So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
