We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
