3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
