No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Plan B is the new Plan A
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
