To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
