Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
