I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
