There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
