I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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