I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Mom said you looked used
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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