Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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