a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
