I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
