In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
