My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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