i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
