Your face is a jimmy john
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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