You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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