I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
babies were throwing up all over the place
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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