Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
