her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
