Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
