I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
