I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
