they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
