Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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