I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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