On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
