My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
