Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
