i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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