I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
