On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
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Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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