I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
