I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My vagina is very pro this idea
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
