So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
