Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
