Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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