i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
