thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
