Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
only you would photoshop your dick
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
