I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
