I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
