I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
