I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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