my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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