considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
