Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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