Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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