Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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