Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
