my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
did you just send me my own nude
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize