omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
