no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
