a search helicopter?!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
