My room smells like vodka and shame
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
