Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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