I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
