so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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