she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
