i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
