Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize