I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
