Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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