Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
