I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
