Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
