dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
