i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous