It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
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We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night