I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate