The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore