He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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