i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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