the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
