I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
