Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
