There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
