dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
