I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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